i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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