These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
