regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
