he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
