What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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