i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It was confusing and full of hummus
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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