I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
