Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
