doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
