Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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