There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
