I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
