i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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