I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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