The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
