you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
