If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
