Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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