i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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