you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
