Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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