I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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