you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
