the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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