I want to make a zoo with you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
