I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
