Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
