If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
