I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The air taste purple.
Randomize