5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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