Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
