ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
