new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
