Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
