she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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