would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
