I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
