Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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