There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
