I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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