It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
