mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
