Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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