when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
