im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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