You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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