I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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