You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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