So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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