Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize