omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
