she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
