"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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