i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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