My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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