i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need to sanitize my soul.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
