if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize