I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
