Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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