Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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