i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
