Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
