I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
