Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
