About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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