please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
