3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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