My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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