im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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