He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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